Cookies that Taste Like Cardboard Are Gross.

Yeah, that’s right. I’m talking to you, gingerbread house walls. You taste bad, especially after sitting out for six weeks in the middle of the kitchen, where the small visiting children pull your gumdrops off and feed them to the dog.

In fact, you taste so bad, I made a build-it-yourself kit out of polymer clay, just so people don’t have to deal with the real thing anymore. My kit has licorice windows and a pastel wafer roof and a little chimney covered in snow, AND it lasts year-to-year. In fact, it can be used in a dollhouse. Or as a Christmas tree ornament. Or in a homemade snow globe. And people can customize it. If they want chocolate stepping stones, they can have ’em. If they want candy canes for door lintels, that’s doable too. In fact, the only things these new miniature gingerbread kit builders have to provide are flour, powdered sugar, and plain old Elmer’s glue. You can’t top that, can you?

Ooh. Burn.

You guessed it! The 1:12 scale miniature gingerbread kit is released today! Your basic kit includes 10 pieces of gingerbread, frosting base, over 100 pieces of candy, instructions, and tools to get it all done. And I really can make you chocolate stepping stones, and I’ll give you a free, non-obligatory price quote first.

The kit is available right here, and is $30 plus shipping and handling. Considering that you’ll never have to pull your terrier off your gingy chateau again, I think it’s a pretty excellent deal.

[Need inspiration? I’ve got you covered! Want to take me up on my customized gingy quote offer? Shoot me an email. I’m super excited to hear what you’ve got in mind.]

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